Journal 02

2024/11/11 Angela

Slowly, finding the pace and focus of life...

I have always been an overthinker, I think a lot. I am nervous about my future, I feel uncomfortable when facing challenges, I fear changes. However, sophomore year is the stage of changes.

Not only friend zones, relationships with love ones, but also the focus of my college life. If feels so weird to have so many changes in just after a summer break.

There was a saying that changes can shatter your life in to fragments, but puzzle them into a better way.

Learning new things is hard, going to new environments are challenging, however, I think through this process, I am slowly finding the pace and focus of my life.

I fear changes

But I am facing a lot of changes. I miss my high school friends since we all went to college. Slowly, in college, I have found my comfort zone—my "cute roommate and my boyfriend."

I feel so safe being around them, and I love the time spent with them. I feel like I can truly be myself.

However, I started a long-distance relationship, and it was really hard for me to adjust to this new lifestyle without him around.

The friend groups feel different in my sophomore year. I find it a little hard to fit in naturally, but I am also meeting friends I genuinely like.

Maybe everyone has found what matters most to them and has started pursuing it.

In the meantime, while staying connected with my long-distance friends and boyfriend through texts, I’ve decided to explore new things and see where they might lead me.

I feel uncomfortable when facing challenges

My emotional support sloth

Although it seems that I get what I want easily to other, I put a huge amount of effort in everything I care. I hate challenges, I feel uncomfortable. However, in order to discover myself potential, I went to EMI to become a TA there, to assist students who wants to improve their English in any aspects. I was really tough since I have no teaching expereince and I often lack confidence in my self, I sometimes think I do not think I am even capable with this job. There are so many people out there who are all so talented and better.

I never think I am the best in volleyball, in fact, I am not that good at it. I am the setter in our volley ball team but I am always too afraid to go onto the court and play my roll.

However, I found my focus

I tutored a junior in EMI and taught her how to interview in fluent and confident English. I was really nervous since it was my first time.

Although it was only a small impact, she learned something from me and thanked me a lot. I was even more thankful to her for being my first student, as she gave me a passion for teaching.

My next student was a graduate, and while I couldn’t give him much, I gave him everything I had. I tried my best, and I enjoyed it.

I love teaching; I love this job. Even though I’m not the best at it, I am passionate about it. I’ve learned a lot, and I’m starting to focus on this field.

I’m not really good at volleyball, but my friends from the team—Nora, Miracle, and Belle—all love this sport. I really enjoy playing with them or just practicing together. I want to become a better setter, so I’m willing to put more effort into practicing. The process of improving will be long, but I enjoy it.

I love my friends, although we cant see each other that often, I learned to cherish every second spending with them.

There are my motivation to finish assignments haha. " Angela, go through this week, fight for it, and then you can meet them on the weekends!"

Everything changes...

Maybe it’s because of the changes that I spend more time focusing on what means the most to me.

Maybe it’s because of the changes that I feel closer to my friends and loved ones.

Or maybe it’s because I found my pace and focus in life, and now I’m looking forward to the future—so exciting!

Everything changes over time, in both good and bad ways. So let’s cherish the moments we have, here and now, together.

An update of my crochet process

My star cardigan, I ran out of yarn!!! So I had to click a pause button on this project till I find more yarn for it. Because they are out of stock.

I finished a top, although I was planning to make it long sleeves at first, I also ran out of yarn, and it was pricy! So it turned out to become a top, I love the colors.

Since I keep running out of yarn, it the best timing to start a new project: the block party sweater, stay tuned~ haha

Feel free to leave
your precious thoughts.